Letting Go

I deserved this. If I was being honest with myself I'd even say I needed it. He rummaged in the closet to my left. I had no idea what he would be looking for, but he had been in there for a long time. Well, it felt long to me. Long enough for my muscles to begin feeling cramped from my imposed immobility. The light was switched off, and I heard him walk around the bed to my other side. My heart quickened as I heard the soft grinding of a drawer being opened.

Please let it be the second drawer.
Please let it be the second drawer.
Please let it be the second drawer.

I repeated the mantra knowing full well he would be in the top drawer where he kept his implements of torture. There would be no pleasure tonight. He was not pleased with me.

Something metallic clunked on top of the dresser, but he wasn't done. I could hear the scraping of things being pushed around as he looked for what he wanted. It had to have been something we hadn't used in a while. I hoped it wouldn't be the cane. I absolutely hated the cane, but I knew it was something that would make me truly regret what I had done. 

I could feel stuff being lined up on the bed now. I craned my head in a useless gesture to see. I hated being blindfolded. I hated not knowing. Maybe that was why he punished me this way. His hands pushed my butt cheeks apart and something cold and hard was worked inside me. I groaned as the unforgiving metal pushed my anal muscles wider than they were meant to go.

“Silence,” he said.

Suddenly my breathing felt like an effort as my heart cracked open just a bit. I could tell by his tone that he was even more upset with me than I had originally thought, and I absolutely hated disappointing him. I wouldn't disappoint him again. I would take my punishment in silence, but I couldn't stop the stream of tears that were now soaking my blindfold.

The plug expanded me and made my muscles ache. I absorbed the pain because I knew this was only the beginning. For a while I lay there waiting and wondering what would be coming next. I often believed he delayed like this on purpose. I imagined him standing over me and watching me squirm as my anxiety was building. After a while the ache in my backside was becoming unbearable. I squeezed my bum to try and relieve it, and the moment I let go of the tension it came.

Crack. Crack. Crack.

It was definitely the cane. The searing pain begged to be released through my mouth as I bit down on my pillow. I grabbed the sheets in my fists and took several deep breaths to keep from crying out. He wanted me silent. There was a fire starting on the lower half of my body as the lashes kept coming. I focused on my breathing, but it was getting harder. I couldn't take the pain. It was just too much. I was about to cry out when it stopped. I sobbed softly into the pillow, pulling myself together for the next round I knew would come soon.

“Next you are told to do something, you will do it promptly and without balking.”

“Yes, Master.”

I had barely replied when it started again. I wasn't even sure he heard me, as softly as I spoke. It didn't take as long for the pain to build this time. I knew immediately that he had switched implements because this one didn't make much noise, but it left me feeling as if I had been stung by hundreds of bees as once each time it made contact with my already sensitive skin. It was like nothing I had ever felt before. It was much worse than the cane. I would take the cane one hundred times over if it meant I'd never have to feel this pain again.

I couldn't hold back any more. I tried to constrict my throat to stop it, but the scream pushed its way through. I fought against my restraints now. I think I even begged him to stop, although I don't recall actually saying the words. I needed it to stop now. I learned my lesson. I would remember to do as I was told from now on.

He didn't stop, though, and I could no longer fight. I felt my body mold to the bed. I could no longer cry out. I just let the tears fall and accepted my fate. I deserved this, and I needed it. I needed it so I would remember to never disappoint him again. I needed it so I would be free of the guilt I felt.

So I welcomed the pain now. I absorbed it and made it a part of me. I let it wash through me.

I didn't realize it stopped until I felt him untying my legs and positioning me so that I was on my knees. He pushed my knees apart, and I felt him settle between my legs. This would be for him, and I would get no pleasure from this taking. I whimpered softly as I felt him filling me. He didn't give me time to adjust as he thrust hard and deep. Despite the fact that I wasn't meant to enjoy this I could feel the arousal building, but I gave it all to him. He grunted loudly as he slammed into me one last time.

Without a word, he finished untying me and took off the blindfold, then guided my tear streaked face toward his crotch. I gently licked him clean, and savored the saltiness of my tears and our combined juices. Normally this was not something I enjoyed, but somehow this gesture felt like a sign of forgiveness. I relished in my absolution and smiled when I heard him moan in pleasure. Tears of anguish turned to solace as I felt his fingers run lovingly through my hair.

He was no longer angry.